Sunday, March 14, 2010

time to dust off the old blog...

Hello all. Yes, it's been ages, and I don't know if anyone actually still swings by this hole in cyberspace anymore.

Anyway, there are two main reasons why I stopped blogging a few months ago.

1. Work was very, very stressful and took up about half my mental energy. Blogging about work can also get me fired, so I couldn't use this as an outlet.

2. My marriage was going down the tubes, and I didn't want to use the blog as an outlet because a) it didn't give Oscar the chance to defend himself and b) prose from the fingers of an angry wife is hardly the most unbiased source of information, no?

So work and marriage took up all my mental energy and I didn't want to blog about either topic.

Let me try to sum up what's been going on during the past few months:
1. Oscar moved out in late December. Unwillingly. I had to threaten to throw his belongings out in the front yard and change the locks if he didn't leave by end of December. Don't feel sorry for him, as he a) hated living in Tacoma and was not quiet about it, b) had never, ever paid one cent towards the house payment and c) had several months to move out but decided not to do anything until threatened.

2. Work is still stressful but I've either become numb to it or it's just easier to bear since I don't have to deal with Oscar on a daily basis.

3. Although the breakup was my idea, it has been much, much harder than I would have anticipated. I've been in a deep funk for several months, which is both surprising and irritating. My sleep has been completely affected, not by insomnia but by its opposite. I can't wake up. I've become a human dormouse. Seriously; several days I've slept for a straight 19 hours. I'd have thought the dogs would have woken me up but it turns out that they would rather bust their gut than get off the couch. (Beasts after my own heart.) No, I am not drinking. No, I am not taking any drugs beyond what the doctor prescribed. (In fact, my doctor even gave me a lecture because I admitted to taking NyQuil when I had a cold. Her: "It has alcohol and alcohol increases depression." Me: "It's 10% alcohol in a 10mL dose. Is one mL of alcohol really going to affect me that much?" Her: "Avoid all alcohol. Take DayQuil next time you have a cold." Okay, but whatev.)

4. I have not made it to work for an entire week since the beginning of the year. I've always been a firm believer of not bringing personal drama into the workplace, and every morning (assuming that I don't sleep through my alarm or fall back asleep) is a big mental rehearsal for "how well can we fake it today?" Actually, if I can wake up, I can make it in. Some days, I've found myself waking up on the couch or living room chair which means that I got out of bed and then sat down and fell asleep again, without even remembering that I woke up.

5. Two things are saving my butt. The first is that I am still producing the work that I need to. The second is that I have an extremely sympathetic supervisor, although part of me thinks I'm unwittingly taking advantage of her sympathy.

(Actually, all the people I work with are great. Seriously, the cream of the crop.)

What is the good news? Well, all the animals seem happy and healthy. (They are all piled on the couch, sound asleep, as I type this. Yes, I am sitting on the floor.)

My big brother visited last week, and it was wonderful to see him. I needed some moral support and he gave generously. He also did all those minor home improvement things that I never get around to (his choice, I didn't give him a list).

Anyway, enough for now. I feel like I should be doing something productive...

5 comments:

Jen mom of R&B said...

You can always come south if you need a change of scenery for a day or two.

Rachael said...

Yay! Lee is back!
So very sorry to hear about the way things are for you right now. Anytime you need you just give me a call and we'll have coffee or something. Brian says hello and we'd love to have you over for dinner sometime.

CarpeDyem said...

Glad you're back! Unfortunately a lot of what you say and have been through the past months, sound so familiar, to when my first marriage broke up. Including a lot of what you're feeling.

Things get better, beleive me. Use your friends as friends, that's what we're there for.

Happy Knitting!

jeanius said...

I am so sorry to hear things haven't been so great for you. A big hug from us here, and hope we can get together soon.

I hope thing work out for the best for you all around!

L J said...

Hugs Sweetie!