wow!

Last night, I actually slept. I fell asleep at a regular time and woke up without any trouble. (Actually, Sheba woke me up because she wanted under the covers. I let her under and settled back in to go back to sleep and then I heard my alarm start to go off. (Bummer.) My triple alarm system wasn’t even necessary this morning, even though I did lay in bed for several minutes, grumbling, until I couldn’t stand the noise anymore and got up to shut the alarm off. (No, the animals are not part of the alarm system. I’d thought for sure that they’d prevent me from really oversleeping because they’d pester me if they wanted to go outside or have their breakfast. Well, the dogs would rather bust their guts than get off the bed or eat breakfast. I guess I’m not too surprised about that, but I was really sure that one of the cats would wake me up for breakfast. Nope.)

Up until last week, I had only a dual alarm system, and one more than one occasion was not successful at overcoming my hibernation. The first alarm is a really loud and obnoxious one that is set outside the bedroom so that I have to physically get up and shut it off. (Another benefit of having a small house.) The second alarm is a friend who calls me between 6:30 and 6:45. And the third is one set up on the coffee table for 7am. I set it up there because several times, I woke up on the couch despite having fallen asleep in my bed. So, I am either 1) sleepwalking or 2) shutting off the primary alarm and then lying down on the couch with no memory of getting up. I certainly hope it’s 2) because sleepwalking is really not something I want to have to deal with at the moment. (Or ever, for that matter.) Well, the system did work because the other day, I woke up from a dream in which I was locked in a small room full of alarm clocks. All of the alarms were going off, but I couldn’t shut any of them off. I started yanking the plugs from the outlets, and then I woke up and saw that it was 7:55. That buzzer had been going off two feet from my ear for fifty-five minutes before it cut through my slumber. Yeah, I was late to work but I made it in, so I count that as a victory.

the mind/body split

I am writing this post at 1:35 a.m. on Sunday night/Monday morning. I am wide-awake. Why? Because my body decided it needed to hibernate all day and entered another sleep marathon. There was actually something I wanted to do this morning, and even though I set the obnoxious alarm, I don't remember shutting it off. I woke up all cramped up on the couch despite falling asleep last night in my bed. I was all cramped because every.single.dog managed to squeeze onto the couch with me.

I admit that I am really touched by their devotion to their human and quite impressed with their contortionist abilities.

It was raining today, so I had no desire to be outside. I puttered around the house a bit, finished reading Home is Where the Wine Is by Laurie Perry, and finished up a pair of socks (Gansey Socks from Socks from the Toe Up, knit out of STR lightweight, Pond Scum colorway).

Deeply exhausted by such strenuous activities as reading and knitting, I fell asleep again. I woke up much less cramped and deeply rested. It was also 9pm.

My mind is having no luck at convincing my body that while yes, sleep is necessary, and while hibernation-style sleeping is one way of coping with the current crop of life's stresses, sleeping through the alarm on a work day is only going to yield more problems. Catch up on weekends if necessary. Not weekdays!! So I don't dare try to lay down at all right now because I'm terrified that I will sleep through the triple defense system that I've got set up right now (two alarms, set to go off one hour apart, plus a friend who calls me at around 6:30 a.m.)

I never thought I'd yearn for insomnia but at least that's is a slightly more socially acceptable sleep disorder, since at least if you are awake, you can make it into work.

time to dust off the old blog...

Hello all. Yes, it's been ages, and I don't know if anyone actually still swings by this hole in cyberspace anymore.

Anyway, there are two main reasons why I stopped blogging a few months ago.

1. Work was very, very stressful and took up about half my mental energy. Blogging about work can also get me fired, so I couldn't use this as an outlet.

2. My marriage was going down the tubes, and I didn't want to use the blog as an outlet because a) it didn't give Oscar the chance to defend himself and b) prose from the fingers of an angry wife is hardly the most unbiased source of information, no?

So work and marriage took up all my mental energy and I didn't want to blog about either topic.

Let me try to sum up what's been going on during the past few months:
1. Oscar moved out in late December. Unwillingly. I had to threaten to throw his belongings out in the front yard and change the locks if he didn't leave by end of December. Don't feel sorry for him, as he a) hated living in Tacoma and was not quiet about it, b) had never, ever paid one cent towards the house payment and c) had several months to move out but decided not to do anything until threatened.

2. Work is still stressful but I've either become numb to it or it's just easier to bear since I don't have to deal with Oscar on a daily basis.

3. Although the breakup was my idea, it has been much, much harder than I would have anticipated. I've been in a deep funk for several months, which is both surprising and irritating. My sleep has been completely affected, not by insomnia but by its opposite. I can't wake up. I've become a human dormouse. Seriously; several days I've slept for a straight 19 hours. I'd have thought the dogs would have woken me up but it turns out that they would rather bust their gut than get off the couch. (Beasts after my own heart.) No, I am not drinking. No, I am not taking any drugs beyond what the doctor prescribed. (In fact, my doctor even gave me a lecture because I admitted to taking NyQuil when I had a cold. Her: "It has alcohol and alcohol increases depression." Me: "It's 10% alcohol in a 10mL dose. Is one mL of alcohol really going to affect me that much?" Her: "Avoid all alcohol. Take DayQuil next time you have a cold." Okay, but whatev.)

4. I have not made it to work for an entire week since the beginning of the year. I've always been a firm believer of not bringing personal drama into the workplace, and every morning (assuming that I don't sleep through my alarm or fall back asleep) is a big mental rehearsal for "how well can we fake it today?" Actually, if I can wake up, I can make it in. Some days, I've found myself waking up on the couch or living room chair which means that I got out of bed and then sat down and fell asleep again, without even remembering that I woke up.

5. Two things are saving my butt. The first is that I am still producing the work that I need to. The second is that I have an extremely sympathetic supervisor, although part of me thinks I'm unwittingly taking advantage of her sympathy.

(Actually, all the people I work with are great. Seriously, the cream of the crop.)

What is the good news? Well, all the animals seem happy and healthy. (They are all piled on the couch, sound asleep, as I type this. Yes, I am sitting on the floor.)

My big brother visited last week, and it was wonderful to see him. I needed some moral support and he gave generously. He also did all those minor home improvement things that I never get around to (his choice, I didn't give him a list).

Anyway, enough for now. I feel like I should be doing something productive...