luneray: 2011

Sunday, December 04, 2011

100 books--goal completed!

100. A History of the Swedish People, volume 2 by Vilhelm Moberg, finished 04 December 2011

99. The Fall of the Kings by Ellen Kushner and Delia Sherman, finished 01 December 2011

98. A History of the Swedish People, volume 1 by Vilhelm Moberg, finished 27 November 2011

97. The Privilege of the Sword by Ellen Kushner, finished 25 November 2011

96. Swordspoint: a melodrama of manners by Ellen Kushner, finished 24 November 2011

95. The Book of Lost Books: An Incomplete History of all the Great Books You'll Never Read by Stuart Kelly, finished 17 November 2011

94. Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll, finished 9 November 2011

93. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, finished 9 November 2011

92. A History of the World in Six Glasses by Tom Standage, finished 29 October 2011

91. In Ghostly Japan by Lafcadio Hearn, finished 25 October 2011

90. Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction by Sue Townsend, finished 23 October 2011

89. Ghost Stories of Washington by Barbara Smith, finished 22 October 2011

88. All Wound Up: the Yarn Harlot writes for a spin by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, finished 13 October 2011

87. Dear Fatty by Dawn French, finished 12 October 2011.

86. The Breaking by Dusk Peterson, finished 04 October 2011

85. The Wish List by Eoin Colfer, finished 03 October 2011

84. Memoirs of an Icelandic Bookworm by Jona E. Hammer, finished 01 October 2011.

83. Righting the Mother Tongue: from Olde English to Email, the Tangled Story of English Spelling, finished 21 September 2011.

82. Summer's Crossing by Julia Kagawa, finished 17 September 2011

81. The Smoke Dragon by Shane Jiraiya Cummings, finished 16 September 2011

80. Shuteye for the Timebroker: stories by Paul Di Filippo, finished 31 August 2011

79. Smut, vol.1 by the editors of Nerve.com, finished 28 August 2011

78. Soon I Will Be Invincible by August Grossman, finished 27 August 2011

77. Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld, finished 21 August 2011

76. A Mathematician's Lament by Paul Lockhart, finished 16 August 2011

75. Andean Express by Juan de Recacoechea, finished 15 August 2011

74. Hold Me Closer, Necromancer by Lish McBride, finished 12 August 2011

73. Harp, Pipe, and Symphony by Paul Di Filippo, finished 04 August 2011

72. Counterpoint by Rachel Haimowitz, finished 03 August 2011.

71. Glimpses by Lynn Flewelling, finished 28 July 2011

70. Stalking Darkness by Lynn Flewelling, finished 26 July 2011

69. Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling, finished 17 July 2011

68. Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick, finished 09 July 2011

67. The Alchemist's Code by Dave Duncan, finished 03 July 2011

66. Myths and Mysteries of Washington by L.E. Bragg, finished 03 July 2011

65. Ill Met in the Arena by Dave Duncan, finished 30 June 2011

64. The Word Snoop by Ursula Dubosarsky, finished 27 June 2011

63. Speak to the Devil by Dave Duncan, finished 26 June 2011

62. The God Engines by John Scalzi,finished 24 June 2011.

61. hush, hush by Becca Fitzpatrick, finished 24 June 2011

60. Djinn in the Nightengale's Eye by A.S. Byatt, finished 23 June 2011

59. The Scar-Crow Men by Mark Chadbourn, finished 20 June 2011

58. Panic in Level 4: Cannibals, Killer Viruses, and other Journeys to the Edge of Science by Richard Preston, finished 20 June 2011.

57. The Celts: A Very Short Introduction by Barry Cunliffe, finished 19 June 2011.

56. You Are What You Speak: Grammar Grouches, Language Laws, and the Politics of Identity by Robert Lane Greene, finished 06/06/11

55. The Silver Skull: Swords of Albion by Mark Chadbourn, finished 05/31/11

54. Just Kids by Patti Smith, finished 05/26/11

53. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, finished 03/19/11

52. The Anglo-Saxon Age: A very short introduction by John Blair, finished 03/07/11

51. The Sheriff of Yrnameer by Michael Rubens, finished 03/06/11

50. The Spirit Lens by Carol Berg, finished 03/05/11

49. Linguistics: A very short introduction by P. H. Matthews, finished 03/04/11

48. The Vikings: A very short introduction by Julian D. Richards, finished 03/04/11

47. The Oracle's Queen by Lynn Flewelling, finished 02/28/11

46. Mortal Syntax by June Casavantes, finished 02/26/11

45. Hidden Warrior by Lynn Flewelling, finished 02/26/11

44. Harshini by Jennifer Fallon, finished 02/23/01

43. Treason Keep by Jennifer Fallon, finished 02/21/11

42. Medalon by Jennifer Fallon, finished 02/20/11

41. The Bone Doll's Twin by Lynn Flewelling, finished 02/17/11

40. Word Myths: Debunking Linguistic Urban Legends by David Wilton, finished 02/12/11

39. The World's Best Fairy Tales, vol. 1, edited by Belle Becker Sideman, finished 02/11/11

38. The Lost Dogs: Michael Vick's Dogs and their tale of rescue and redemption by Jim Gorant, finished 02/07/11

37. Warlord by Jennifer Fallon, finished 02/07/11

36. Warrior by Jennifer Fallon, finished 02/05/11

35. The Golden Horn by Judith Tarr, finished 02/02/11

34. Thinner Than Thou by Kit Reed, finished 02/01/11

33. The Isle of Glass by Judith Tarr, finished 01/30/11

32. The Children of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien, finished 01/30/11

31. A Treasury of the World's Greatest Fairy Tales by Helen Hyman, finished 01/29/11

30. A Second Treasury of the World's Greatest Fairy Tales by Helen Hyman, finished 01/29/11

29. Wolfblade by Jennifer Fallon, finished 01/29/11

28. Emerald Magic, edited by Andrew M. Greeley, finished 01/26/11

27.The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories by Suzanna Clarke, finished 01/24/11

26. Eight Skilled Gentlemen by Barry Hughart, finished 01/21/11

25. Language Myths, edited by Laurie Bauer and Peter Trudgill, finished 01/20/11

24. The English Language: a guided tour of the language by David Crystal, finished 01/19/11

23. The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, finished 01/17/11

22. The World's Best Fairy Tales, vol. 2, edited by Belle Becker Sideman, finished 01/16/11

21. The Story of the Stone by Barry Hughart, finished 01/16/11

20. The Chaos Crystal by Jennifer Fallon, finished 01/14/11

19. Bridge of Birds: A Novel of an Ancient China that Never Was by Barry Hughart, finished 01/12/11

18. Daughter of the Blood by Anne Bishop, finished 01/08/11.

17. A Young Man without Magic by Lawrence Watt-Evans, finished 01/05/11

16. Comedy in a Minor Key by Hans Keilson, finished 01/02/11

15. Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex by Eoin Colfer, finished 01/01/11

14. The Witch of Cologne by Tobsha Learner, finished 01/01/11

13. The Assassin's Edge by Juliet E. McKenna, finished 12/29/10

12. Thomas the Rhymer by Ellen Kushner, finished 12/26/10

11. Midsummer Night by Freda Warrington, finished 12/24/10

10. Promise of the Wolves by Dorothy Hearst, finished 12/20/10

9. The Greener Shore by Morgan Llewellyn, finished 12/17/10

8. Elfland by Freda Warrington, finished 12/16/10

7. Why Greenland is an island, Australia is not, and Japan is up for grabs by Joyce Davis, finished 12/15/10

6. Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip, finished 12/13/10

5. A Tale Dark and Grimm by Adam Gidwitz, finished 12/10/10

4. Ice Land by Betsy Tobin, finished 12/10/10

3. The Stray Sod Country by Patrick McCabe, finished Dec. 9, 2010

2. When the King Comes Home by Caroline Stevermere, finished Dec. 9, 2010

1. Dawnthief: a chronicle of the Raven by James Barclay finished on Dec. 7 2010

Sunday, July 03, 2011

66% completed!

List of the most recent books. Now I am going to celebrate my literary achievement by playing a video game.

66. Myths and Mysteries of Washington by L.E. Bragg, finished 03 July 2011

65. Ill Met in the Arena by Dave Duncan, finished 30 June 2011

64. The Word Snoop by Ursula Dubosarsky, finished 27 June 2011

63. Speak to the Devil by Dave Duncan, finished 26 June 2011

62. The God Engines by John Scalzi,finished 24 June 2011.

61. hush, hush by Becca Fitzpatrick, finished 24 June 2011

Thursday, June 23, 2011

60% a milestone!

60. Djinn in the Nightengale's Eye by A.S. Byatt, finished 23 June 2011

highly recommended

Sunday, June 19, 2011

getting there

Book #57. The Celts: A Very Short Introduction by Barry Cunliffe, finished 19 June 2011.

For a complete list, click here.

Monday, June 13, 2011

So, as you may have gleaned from previous posts, the past few months have been rough. Since February 1^st, I have been out from work approximately two months. All of February and intermittent days in March, April, and May. This has had a financial effects, which I am still trying to dig myself out of. I can do it, but not as timely as creditors would like. I would have preferred never to have fallen behind on bills, but thems the breaks. (when someone calls to inform you to discontinue an automatic payment from a bank account because there are no funds in that account, please take this person seriously and don’t give the spiel of “ceasing the automatic payment will take two months to process. Please ensure you have funds in your account until that time.”

I’m a fairly frugal person and I don’t have a lot of debt, and literally 99% of the debt I have is the so-called “good debt”—mortgage, student loan, home improvement loan. I guess it’s called “good debt” because these are seen as investments. However, it’s still a good chunk of my paycheck every month that I would like to apply towards other things. And all debt is "bad" if you can't make a payment.

Anyway, I was eligible for disability pay for the days off in March as mandated by my doctor. It was 60% of seven days gross pay and it was such a freaking hassle to get it, and it took so freaking long that it almost wasn’t worth it. But in mid-May, I finally get the check and the first thing that I did was apply it to my primary mortgage. Of course, the clerk had to point out that I was past due in making a payment. Yes, I know. I’ve been out of work because of illness and I am trying to catch up. So the clerk did a quick check and said “hey, you are eligible for automatic loan rate adjustment. This is really quick and easy and there are no closing costs to you. It will lower your monthly payment because the interest rate will be reduced.”

I figure it would be worth investigating, and I swear that program is a will-o-wisp to get you to talk to a mortgage broker because once you are face to face, he will find a refi plan that You Are Eligible For, even if it turns out that you are actually not eligible for the quick and easy refi that your mortgage holder said you were eligible for. But “there are other plans and this one will lower [your] interest rate but only the primary mortgage is eligible” and not both, like I was originally told. So to cut a long and convoluted story short, I signed the refi papers on Thursday but after thinking about it, I realized that I wasn’t really coming out ahead. I wasn’t screwed but pretty much left in the same position so I wanted to cancel it. The net effect is that my payment on my primary mortgage would be lowered by about $90 a month, but the term would be reset to 30 years. To pay it off in 25 years (keeping with the timeframe of the original mortgage), I’d have to add an extra $100 a month. Which is pretty much where I am now, financially. $90 a month isn’t going to make or break my budget.

I sent a message to mortgage broker, requesting that he cancel the loan process and he called me back to say he had been trying to get in touch with me that day but I’d left my mobile phone at home this morning. His news? I had been rejected for refi through the Home Assistance Refinancing Program because I had been late on a mortgage payment over the past 12 months. Please remember that the only reason I even started down this road was at the mortgage holder’s suggestion BECAUSE I was behind on my payments. However, I’ve never been so happy to have been rejected.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

I have to admit it's getting better/getting better all the time

Sunday afternoon and I'm not a crumpled heap of anxiety. In fact, I'm showered and dressed even though I don't have any plans to go anywhere.

Also, it's quiet. There is not a single person in the neighborhood using a power tool. No lawnmowers, leaf blowers, weed whackers, pressure washers, or air compressor pumps to be heard. There is just something about the sound of power equipment that puts me on edge. But only certain tools. Power drills, for example, don't bother me. Drills make an annoying high pitched whine but it's just annoying, not anything else. But the things I listed. Ugh. The sound is enough to make me weep crazy tears. Add to that vacuum cleaners. I hate vacuuming because I hate the sound of vacuum cleaners. I ripped the carpet out my house because I hate vacuuming. Also, there are wooden floors underneath. A bit noisy when the dogs walk but otherwise fine. I'd much rather sweep and mop than vacuum.

This is a stream of consciousness journal, so yes, I am going to talk about random crap like how much I hate power equipment. At this particular moment, the cat is trying to crawl on my lap but he's interfering with my typing. Also interfering with my typing is the fact that I am not wearing my glasses. I can't see the screen really well so expect a few typos. Adds to the flavor of the dish.

I saw my counsellor for the first time on Friday. I'd seen her before but ages ago, under another mental crisis event. I hope she's not planning on retiring anytime soon! She listened to me summarize the past year, with all its stresses and unpleasantness and she asked me a few questions I wasn't expecting. How do I think the stresses contributed to February's breakdown?
And do I think I don't have a strong sense of self? I have to admit that this second question really threw me, because I've always thought I had a strong sense of self and that was the reason that I often times don't fit in.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

deep, heavy sigh

The deep, dark depression of 2011 seems to have passed. Or maybe it's still there but with the current combination and dosages of drugs, I don't feel like hiding or stabbing people. This funk had been steadily increasing for a little over a year until things finally hit bottom in February. In that time, I had several supervisors give me a lecture on my work attendance and I was honest in telling them that coming in to work took all my energy and sometimes I just didn't have that much. Also, sometimes I felt like stabbing people and when that urge was really strong, I didn't come in.

But they didn't believe me. Or I had mastered happyface to enough of a degree that they thought I was just being metaphorical. While the deep funk of February-March 0f 2011 had passed, it was replaced by a mild psychosis (my term) of April-early May 2011. That's when I really wanted to stab people. I am not joking. I wanted to sink a blade into someone's flesh. And it was scary because I didn't know what would trigger my rage. Example: I got up and left a meeting because someone was drinking a cup of chamomile tea, and I HATE the smell of chamomile tea. One of the drugs I'm taking is used in anger management, but like so many psychiatric drugs, the drug can produce a side effect of exactly the issue that's being treated. I started taking this drug in late March and these take a few weeks to take effect. Early April, the urge to stab people became incredibly strong.

So I stayed home, which pissed everyone off at work. I thought I was doing them a favor. While at home, the only person I had to worry about was me and I thought being in a familiar environment would lessen the chance of encountering unknown rage triggers. Part of me felt like I should call my doctor but I couldn't bring myself to it because I was sure she'd make come in to her office, which meant taking a shower and getting dressed, and going to Seattle and hell, if I could make it to Seattle for a doctor's appt. why couldn't I make it into work?

Also, my paid leave was exhausted on January 31st, so every day I didn't go into work, I didn't get paid. My savings were gone by mid-March. Honestly, it seemed like a tidy sum until I had to pay the mortgage. So yes, there was a direct financial cost by not going in to work.

However, no one was physically harmed over the past two months. At least not by me.
About two weeks ago, I started to feel relatively normal. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I had the courage to finally reach out to some friends for help, and they have been wonderful. I'm not surprised. They are my friends! (I know that I should have contacted people earlier, when I was really down. But I didn't want anyone to see me in that state, so I hid.)

And the drug cocktail is working. This is how I know: over the past two weeks, I have had real reason to be upset and frustrated due to a less than helpful Human Resources department (that's a rant for another time), which resulted in all that time off in April and May that I was off was not covered by the Family Medical Leave Act (like I and everyone else in the office assumed), which meant that all that time was in risk of being considered Absent Without Leave, which effectively means that I was not considered employed on those days, and thus my health insurance would be voided for that time (among other things, but that's the one I'm really concerned about). Oh there's more, lots more to this snafu, but I will say this: I did not feel like hurting anyone. In fact, I didn't feel any urge toward any violent behavior like kicking the wall or slamming a door. I did stomp around and complain bitterly, but I think that's an improvement.

And I feel like reading again. I feel like I can knit. I made food which actually including chopping something and there was no fantasy or urge to slice my skin. (For most of the past few months, I have been relying on canned or jarred foods. Mostly beans and rice, and spaghetti. And tea. Lots and lots of tea. I'm glad I bought a four-pack of PG Tips in January!)

So it's day by day. And things are getting better emotionally. Which is good, because I have to deal with a really big pile of financial and employment-based crap due to Madness 2011. sigh.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

taking a cue from other bloggers

well now. I haven't been posting lately because life has been very crappy, and I have this idea that if I can't post something witty or interesting, then I shouldn't post at all. Then I look at the blog stats and realize that the only people who ever visit this site are my friends or guys looking for fat lady models wearing a low cut sweater.

One of my favorite bloggers is Crazy Aunt Purl who, despite the name, rarely writes about knitting. I guess she started her blog after she and her husband broke up and she took up knitting in an effort to stay sane. She seems to have worked through her crap through blogging, so maybe blogging is an adequate therapy. Goodness knows, not much else seems to be working.

And I highly recommend her book "Drunk, Divorced, and Covered in Cat Hair", which is NOT a book about knitting, despite its cover. It's a memoir, and at turns very funny and heartbreakingly sad.

So, I stopped drinking. I was drinking steadily heavier until the middle of January, when I realized that drinking five pints of beer at my favorite pub and then taking a growler home to consume that same evening was perhaps a tad bit too much drinking? Especially done several times a week? Or drinking an entire fifth of scotch by myself in a single evening? Yes, perhaps the drinking was out of control. So I stopped. Didn't go to the pub anymore. Didn't go to the liquor store. And then my life turned to sh*t. I realize now that I had lost my coping mechanism. Although my attendance and quality of work at Place of Employment was sporadic, at least I was slightly functional. I can rationalize a great many reasons for not going into Place of Employment but a hangover is not one of them.

So, the last few months have been sh*t. The previous year and a half were also bad, but I was able to cope. Well, kinda. My work attendance was really bad. I can't figure out what happened. I refuse to believe that all my breakdown is due to my marriage falling apart, although I do think there is a lot of anger there that I haven't let myself express because "it's just not practical." You know, it's over and get with it. But in the final week of January, it just became too much and things just broke down. I called sick the entire week and then on Feb. 1st, I left a message with my boss that I was not going to be in for the entire month. I managed to drag myself out of the house once during the first few weeks of February to go to the doctor's office, and I had a full fledged panic attack right before the visit. I was shaking so hard that I couldn't safely drive. I made myself wait around until I stopped shaking (no, this wasn't alcohol related). I don't often suffer from panic attacks, so this was really freaky. But I guess it was also good that it happened at a doctor's office, where my MD could see that I wasn't doing so well. Except for two doctor's visits, the rest of February were spent asleep. Seriously. I went to bed and didn't get up until two weeks later. I would wake up sporadically to go to the bathroom and let the dogs out but I decided to let my body do whatever it wanted. If it cried for sleep, I'd go to bed, regardless of how long I'd slept previously or how long I'd been awake. and I was out. Once I woke to Sheba pawing furiously at my head in an effort to wake me up because she had to go out. It got to the point that I would write notes to myself whenever I was awake "Tuesday, 2am, fed dogs, let them out" because I'd never have any idea of what time or day it was. At the end of February, my doc cleared me to go back to work on a part time basis and I really thought I was ready, and the first day back was all right. And then I crumpled again.

Are you familiar with the Kids in the Hall skit in which Dave Foley plays the world's worst doctor, who only graduated from med school with the help of his friends? "I wondered how far my charm could take me. Quite far, actually!" Well, I feel that way at work. I have been screwing up so badly for the past year or so, and I truly feel bad for my colleagues because I have been so unreliable and inconsistent. Part of me feels really bad because I am making it harder for my colleagues, most of whom I really admire and respect. (The only exception is Passive Aggressive Manager who, in true passive-aggressive mode, never expresses his frustration with me to me, but to my supervisor. But so far, the guilt I feel at making my own supervisor suffer for my misgivings are not enough to get out of bed and into work.)

I'm smart enough to know that my own actions are contributing to my unhappiness but not strong enough to scrape enough guts together and face the day. When a person is depressed, the doctors always ask if you have committed harm to yourself or to others. I thought they meant physical harm but now I wonder if emotional self-sabotage is also a type of self-harm.

The doctor has put me on a drug cocktail and tweaking the dosage until I become Functional Human Being. I feel like a f*cking lab experiment. Every morning I take six capsules of three different medications, which in itself makes me feel really bad. Am I this sick that I have to take so many pharmaceuticals? Especially since they don't seem to make me into Functional Human Being.

Part of my problem is that I have perfected Happy Face. Like many people, I have managed to mask my pain and present a facade of normalcy, nay, cheerfulness! at work. I know it frustrates my colleagues when I call in sick for three days and then show up on the fourth acting fine. What they don't seem to understand is that "acting fine" takes all my energy and on the days when the urge to stab people is strong, I stay home and hide under the covers all day. Part of me thinks that I should really lose it at work one day, then people will realize that I haven't been f*cking lying for the past year. But I bite my tongue when things irritate me and I stick my hands in my pockets when I feel the urge to slap people (actually, the only person I want to slap is Passive Aggressive Manager. Actually, I want to throttle him most days. I doubt he wants to throttle me; instead, he takes out his anger towards me on my other supervisor, whom I really do like and respect.) I even stopped knitting because I didn't trust myself with the knitting needles. I generally knit with 2.5mm needles which could do quite a bit of harm when applied with force to human flesh.

As you may h ave guessed, this is a stream of consciousness writing. I may be repeating myself but I am not letting myself reread what I have written because the urge to self-edit is strong. I've been self-editing my feelings for a long time now. I think I need to allow myself to be angry and petty and shallow and all that crap that I thought myself too practical to experience. I am a practical person, a very practical person. Sadly, the practical part of my being is trapped in part of my brain while the emotional persona takes over. I am not used to letting myself be emotional. I don't know how to deal with it. I guess shutting down is a way of dealing with it, even if ultimately self-destructive.

My supervisor, the one whom I genuinely like, is very concerned. I feel guilty because Passive Aggressive Manager takes out his frustration on him; I feel guilty because I am letting him down, I feel guilty because I am so unreliable, I feel guilty because he is truly concerned but I am unable to tell him what's wrong. "I am concerned about you. I ask you how you are doing, and you tell me 'it's fine' but I know it's not fine." No, it's not fine. Most of the time I want to stab people. Maybe I am hoping someone will stab me first and put me out of my misery.

And in case you are wondering, I don't have a gun nor have access to one. A very USian concern, no?

Since I have decided that this blog will be bucket of emotional vomit, let me tell you about something that has been bugging me. Oscar listed me as a reference for his lease agreement to move into his girlfriend's apartment. No, he didn't ask me ahead of time if I would be a reference for him. So Oscar moves into his girlfriend's apartment anyway and his landlord calls me and says "Oscar mentioned that you are his ex-spouse?" The landlord is really frustrated because Oscar left a lot of blanks on the lease agreement, specifically, past employment history and rental history and although the landlord called him several times to get this information, Oscar never called back. Very typical behavior of the O-man, let me tell you. I am inferring that Oscar finally told his landlord to contact me for this information. Of course, O-man never told me to expect this call so no, I didn't have his employment history handy, nor our past rental information. (It's been five years since we lived in Seattle. I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night much less the contact information for a landlord five years past.) I told the landlord that angry ex-spouses aren't always the most unbiased sources of information but I'd answer his questions as honestly as possible. 1. "What is Oscar's financial history?" "Well, almost none. He was a full time student until 2006 but he only had temporary work through agencies after that. When that work dried up because the economy tanked, he didn't work. I don't know all the places or the durations of employment." "Okay, he didn't list this on the form and I thought it was weird that a 40 year old had no employment history." (I guess not so odd when said man had been supported first by his parents well into his 30s and afterward by his wife. I am such a chump.) "How would you describe Oscar as a tenant?" "He won't cause any damage to the unit but he is unreliable when it comes to money. His girlfriend might ensure that you get the rent in time but he just doesn't think about things like this unless someone is breathing down his neck." "What's his conflict-resolution strategy?" (Near hysterical laughter on my part) "None. He is like an ostrich. If there's a problem, he sticks his head in the sand. If he can't see it, it doesn't exist." "Yes, that's the feeling I got as well. Last question, would you rent to Oscar?" "In all honesty, no. Not if I counted on his rent toward my own finances. If I didn't need the money, he'd be fine. He wouldn't damage the unit."

So I feel bad for landlord. Oscar had turned in his sublet agreement awhile ago, with the great gaps in the important information, and decided to move in with his girlfriend while the landlord was on vacation. This did not go over well. I doubt Oscar meant to be duplicitous but I can understand why the landlord got suspicious. On one hand, I am amazed by the sheer audacity he had in listing ME as a reference to move in with his GIRLFRIEND when we haven't even spoken in several months. Also, his obvious expectation (if not consciously thought) that if he had any issues, just call me and I'll set it all straight. F*ck that. I'm not sticking up for him anymore. He's not my husband; I have nothing left to lose. On the other hand, I'm somewhat cheered to realize that he hasn't got his sh*t together. I'd be really heartbroken if he did get his sh*t together and then took that great man I knew he could be and found happiness with someone else. But he hasn't gotten his crap together. Let his current girlfriend deal with him. I wonder how long it will last. Who wants to bet that he'll call me the day his girlfriend dumps him?

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

moving right along...

More than 1/3 way towards my book-reading goal!

35. The Golden Horn by Judith Tarr, finished 02/02/11

34. Thinner Than Thou by Kit Reed, finished 02/01/11

A good thing about all this reading--besides the actual joy of reading itself--is that I am making a real dent in my "for later" list at the library as well as all the unread books in my own collection. There is a used book shop in downtown Tacoma called Meta Books and it has a great SF/Fantasy collection. The owner/bookbuyer must have a good knowledge of the genres because every title that I've bought has been really well written. (I usually read the first few pages of any genre novel before buying it...I know genre fiction tends to get a bad rap generally, and there's plenty of gold amongst the pebbles but still more pebbles than gold.) I tend to be a thematic reader instead of one focused on prose. That is, I'm interested more in the ideas and themes of the story and can put up with less than stellar writing if the overall theme is interesting to me. But even I have my limits; thankfully, with genre fiction, it's usually easy for me to tell within the first few pages if I can't handle the writing style.

Anyway, during one visit to Meta Books I bought a book called The Hound and the Falcon by Judith Tarr. It's a very thick book (688 pages) but that's not unusual for Fantasy novels. However, what I hadn't realized when I bought it is that it is a collection of three previously published novels, which is no problem except that I had a mild dilemma on my hands: do I count this as one book or three? One of my rules for my 100 book goal was that each book had to be published individually (the other is that the book has to be mostly narrative) so was this one book or three? I decided to count this as three books because each novel had been published separately AND each story is standalone. (Many, many fantasy novels are a single story even if they are published in multiple volumes, like The Lord of the Rings.)

I had deja vu while reading the Hound and the Falcon; the main character is an elf raised as a monk in a Welsh abbey during the reign of Richard the Lionheart. Now, most of these issues are pretty cliched in Fantasy lit: elves, Celtic location, Middle Ages, Crusades--but this particular combination seemed rather unique and I had a feeling I'd read this before. Cliches aside, just how many novels about an elven monk in a Welsh abbey who befriends Richard the Lionheart and then becomes involved in a Crusade could there be? In the middle of the second book, I came across a section that I could almost repeat from memory, so I am sure that I had read that part before. I guess I must have read an extract from that novel way back when without having read the entire book. Rather glad to find out that my memory wasn't playing tricks on me. I had read this before! At least, that part.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Books 2011

titles in bold reflect those I'd especially recommend.